Lesson Learnt

I should say, the hard stone that is kept in my mind for a couple of weeks at last being put down properly and because of this, I need to thank my friend whereby he talked me out and showed me a very good example that being direct and honest by telling someone what is on your mind is definitely good for both sides. I should not feel bad to say no to someone, a good 'NO' can lead to a good ending for both. I do know that I cannot be a 'YES' man everyday, but I am way too coward to even reject people until the time whereby a lot of people getting involved and getting hurt. Sometimes, you need to be bad, you need to know the way of rejecting people, you need to say 'NO' just for the sake of goodness to both parties. There is no wrong to say 'NO'. If you have hard feeling, uncomfortable, please, be brave and say it out loud. 

And, this is the greatest lesson that I learnt in this year.

Lesson learnt, means mistake should not be repeated. Please, remember it and don't ever drag things till the moment that you cannot save the situation, act fast and keep the pain down.

Happy New Year! 

Happy Birthday!! 12.12.2011

12/12/2011. Thanks for the peaceful and warm night from my friends and family!! It's just nice to have an outing with friends and eat and chit-chat for the whole night. of course, it's a plus since there are nice cheesecake and nice food to eat with while you are laughing and enjoying your whole night in a well decorated, homey and welcoming ambient restaurant. 

Thanks to my parents and family that sending me great wishes from far although they can't celebrate the day with me. 

May everyone that I love do find their happiness and peaceful mind in their live everyday!! Love you all so much. 

Love, 

Sarah

11.11.11

It's 111111. 1 stands for single, alone and being just one. So, I am the one!! Just the one!! cheers to all people :) enjoy the day!!

黄金33小时

这几天时间过得太太匆忙了，仿佛发了一场梦似的，然而这梦是很值得怀念的，在短短的33小时里，我看见了我的好好朋友，我们开怀大笑，无忧无虑，吃喝玩乐，高兴非常！！我也同时见证了一对爱侣的结合，他们结婚了，婚礼蕴藏着一种说不出的感动与幸福，羡煞旁人。与此同时，我遇见了多年没见的同学，话题总是说不完，笑话从没间断过，快乐无比就是如此简单！！

到了33小时的尾端，留下了我和我的好姐妹共聚的宝贵时间，无论我多累，我也很想和他们在一起，多看看他们，多和他们聊聊天，天南地北，所有所有的事情，我都想一一和他们分享！！

最后，到了离别的时间，无论我多么的不想，不甘心，也无法阻止这黄金33小时的溜走，我必须离开，回来显实的境况，把这美丽的梦给结束。我任意让我的泪缓缓地留下，在远处，看见我的两位好姐妹，左看右望的寻找我的身影，不停的向我招手，我心里只能默默祈祷，希望我们重聚的一天快快快快到来！！而我也只能皆着这个信念来过活我的每一天。

Another stage of life

I have begun my another stage of life. My working life. I am working now. Yes, money does come into account every month. I don't really know on how to express my feeling upon my work, it's huge work, giant work, it needs closely cooperation from every department involve. It needs passion, it needs enthusiasm to work on it. I tried to keep it up everyday so that I can grow interest and I want to love my job without a single doubt.

At the moment, I am satisfied and appreciate of what I have now, really need to work hard and be humble to everything that I have because things aren't just prepared for you, you need to work for it.

And one great thing would be, I know how to make egg and make myself own breakfast and sometimes, own dinner! of course light dinner, I am totally a bai ci in cooking!!

我的两位天使

我从来都不发觉，原来我的身边一直都存有着天使，天使他，不漏出真正的翅膀，也不见得是白色的，他长的和平常人没什么分别，无声无色的撑着他的翅膀为我们挡风挡雨，常人都不易察觉，可能要等到他们长大，要离开了，在遥远的地方才能发现原来他们的家真的住着两个天使，天使的任务就是无怨无悔照顾他的孩子，用他的翅膀来保护他们的幼苗，等到幼苗长大成人，幼苗却头也不会的走了，可是，你别以为天使会因此而伤心，不高兴，他们根本连伤心，不高兴的时候都没有，因为，当他们的孩子走的远远的时候，天使们只会吃力地往天上飞，希望可以在天上看见他们的孩子，多望孩子几眼，希望他们一路平安。当他们从天空里看见孩子已经走得剩下一个小黑点的时候，天使们才自己慢慢地飞回他们的家里，默默地为着他们的孩子祈祷。到了夜深人静的时候，两个老天使才敢偷偷的在他们的被子里哭泣！

再别康桥

轻轻的我走了，正如我轻轻的来；
我轻轻的招手，作别西天的云彩。
那河畔的金柳，是夕阳中的新娘
波光里的艳影，在我的心头荡漾。
软泥上的青荇，油油的在水底招摇；

在康河的柔波里，我甘心做一条水草
那树荫下的一潭，不是清泉，是天上虹
揉碎在浮藻间，沉淀着彩虹似的梦。
寻梦？撑一支长篙，向青草更青处漫溯，
满载一船星辉，在星辉斑斓里放歌
但我不能放歌，悄悄是别离的笙箫；
夏虫也为我沉默，沉默是今晚的康桥！

悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来；
我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。

Terrible Dream

看书看到傻掉了吧！！

近来看着三毛的书，她的文采不用置疑，十分生动。。。看着她的书都可以疯狂大笑起来！！

三毛最爱的荷西，多次出现在她的书中里，我对荷西的印象也相当好。

问题是，今天下午，睡意来袭，昏昏倒在床上睡着，旁边当然是放着三毛的书啦，我慢慢慢慢，竟然看到荷西和他的几位朋友来帮我修理房子，可以梦见荷西当然是十分高兴，但是，我在梦里都还有知觉，我竟然，竟然，竟然发觉自己是一个七老八十的老阿婆！！所以荷西才会来帮我修理房子！！！！ 阿弥陀佛！！为什么那么搞嘢，梦见荷西本是兴奋的， 怎么懂，自己竟然是阿婆，想勾引荷西都勾引不到！！坏事，坏事！！

义工

当了两天的义工，感觉很好， 每个人，都发心去帮忙， 无怨无悔。看着每个小朋友(他们都比我小),全部很积极的工作， 真的很难的。

今天踏出了第一步，希望接下来， 会有更多的下一步，在自己有能力的范围以内，能帮的， 就要帮。

希望每个人，都可以从中获益， 快乐 :)

生活

生有限，活无限

真的希望你可以好好的过你的生活，好好， 好好地活在当下！！当下，现在！！

放手吧，让你自己过得好一点， 对自己好一点。人的一生，可以有很多不同的人出现，过于执着真的会害了你一辈子，到底， 你几时才会明明白白这个道理呢？

There is no secret, there is not privacy!!

Oh gosh, there is no privacy at all and I hate it, I don't think I am going to update my blog anymore because everyone is easily clicking into your blog and read out your things without your permission. Ok, though we can set the password but I no longer trusting this system. I rather go back to the original way, to write down things with my pen and into my book. No one is going to touch it.

I feel insecure with all these lately, no wonder, I don't feel like uploading pictures anymore, later I think I won't even use all these convenient media.

Is this my problem? or I have been over sensitive to all these privacy matter? or just I don't want certain people to check on my blog? is there any ways to block them out? gosh, why i know nothing about all these? can people just please don't simply read on my stuff?? or I take the blog word into another meaning??damn, i got a problem.

Book

I have been reading on a few books during my 3 months break. It has been a long break that I have not been expected but it comes out to be a great one whereby I can actually put myself in the books and read through a lot of life changing books!! It’s definitely the best gift ever. By reading, it’s not only helping me to spend my time, it helps me to improve on my reading and understanding speed.

Before that, I have never thought of re-read the book that I have read through; I thought why on earth we need to go through the same book that we have already read but I realized by re-reading the same book, I will actually gain a different kind of feeling, knowledge, understanding towards things, think in different perspective, it brings out larger impact to me. And now, I find another purpose of why I wanted to own a book instead of borrowing a book from library or somewhere else because I need to re-read it whenever I feel like to do so. I might as well giving me another good reason to buy books and at least, willing to spend money on books.

Besides, I have to admit that, I dislike ebook, I like only the feeling of holding a book, my fingers touching on a book and by smelling on the fragrance of a book. I called it book smell. Yea, only book will have that kind of smell that nothing can replace it. Ebook, yea, somehow, it’s environmental friendly, easy to download and what’s ever good reasons that you can think of, still, it’s incomparable with a real book. 

vividly telling the life of factory workers in China

conflict of how to be good! it's a wide definition

same story as what had happened in London lately!

read it while on the way to australia

long time never touch with fiction, love story!! touching

at last, i read it. another good way to change life if you put your 'cup' empty and accept of what they teach in this book

just by the name of the book, to understand why I  chant

definitely, life changing book, thanks to sj

can't help, but keep on re-read it 

生日快乐

不如不见

越渴望见面然后发现中间隔着那十年我想见的笑脸只有怀念，

不懂怎去再聊天像我在往日还未抽烟不知你怎么变迁，似等了一百年忽已明白 

即使再见面 成熟地表演 不如不见

对话

我求求你，快点回复我，无论我进取抑或是退让， 我总是等不到你的回响。

平静心：没关系， 要来得，注定会来，不用你操心。好好珍惜你现在有的时光。
烦恼心：%$#%$#%#$^^#^, 做事情可以有效率一点吗？ 怎么连小小的承若也做不到？慢！！

两颗心起内讧，最后落得一场空， 无奈，无奈

不再让你孤单

可以让我抒发情绪，可以让我大大方方哭泣的音乐

Now only I know it was sung by Audrey Hepburn - one of my favorite songs

and surprisingly, I found her movie poster in girl's room. Ok, this would be my next must watch movie.

life is easy if you take it easy

take it easy and life will be easy for you as well.
傻人自有傻福，这话当真啊

Awesome Day 1 in Australia

I took on the flight alone from Malaysia to Gold Coast, I can't really sleep well due to the space and the ambient whereby I hardly fitted myself in a new environment. The passenger that sat next to me slept soundly i guessed.  But thank god, without knowing the time, i started to see the gold coast shore line which it definitely is a breath taking view. Phew!! at last, i reached GOLD COAST!! yeah!!

Girl, my dearly sister, came to fetch me. It was so good to see her again in the airport, i remembered last time when i first saw her in the airport, it was 2 years ago, and again, i came back here to visit her again!! We hopped on the bus and headed to a shopping heaven!! Harbour Town!! actually i do have a shopping list whereby i wish to buy all those stuff there in just a day. hahaha, but today, still i couldn't get the list cleared!! Ok, hope for tomorrow and shop again!!

I am asian, and guess what, haha, my first meal in australia, i ate the chinese food!! fish ball noodle soup!! erhmmm, even in a western coutry, i cant let go of my fish ball noodle!! and again, dinner time!! what i ate?? hahahaa...korean food!! korean hot pot, having hot pot in this cool weather is definitely perfect combination!! viva for hot pot!!! yeah!!!

No turning back

I am now having a gambling. I have blocked all my roads, left only one exist. Obviously I am taking the road less traveled. I don't mean of anything because I believe, I believe in God that can help me through this period of time. Good Luck!! ga yao ar!!

姐姐妹妹

姐姐妹妹，如果你们现在可以在家就好，我很烦恼啊，我不想想东西，我不想面对，我很想念你们，你们可以快快回家陪陪我吗？我有很多东西很想向你们呻，很想向你们讲我所遇到的事情，很想你们帮我做决定，很想什么都不理，什么都不理，我很想发脾气，但是我连发脾气的对象都没有，发脾气的气力都没有。

我很想念你们，你们快快回家，我们一起吹水，一起吃东西。。。做小朋友真好，起码，以前有妹妹你陪我吵嘴，阿姐吩咐我拿这些，拿那些。。现在我闷到爆，我很想念你们。快快回来啊。

The road not taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood
and sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
and looked down one as far as I could
to where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
and having perhaps the better claim
because it was grassy and wanted wear;
though as for that, the passing there
had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
in leaves no feet had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less travelled by,
and that has made all the difference

I wish I am making a right decision, sometimes I just can't make things right but still I have to believe, believe that I can go through it and make a difference

一路走好

观自在菩萨 行深般若波罗蜜多时
照见五蕴皆空 度一切苦厄

舍利子
色不异空 空不异色
色即是空 空即是色
受想行识 亦复如是

舍利子
是诸法空相 不生不灭
不垢不净 不增不减
是故空中无色 无受想行识
无眼耳鼻舌身意 无色声香味触法
无眼界 乃至无意识界
无无明 亦无无明尽
乃至无老死 亦无老死尽
无苦集灭道 无智亦无得 以无所得故

菩提萨陲 依般若波罗蜜多故
心无挂碍 无挂碍故 无有恐怖
远离颠倒梦想 究竟涅盘

三世诸佛 依般若波罗蜜多故
得阿耨多罗三藐三菩提

故知般若波罗蜜多
是大神咒 是大明咒 是无上咒
是无等等咒 能除一切苦 真实不虚

故说般若波罗蜜多咒
即说咒曰 揭谛揭谛 波罗揭谛
波罗僧揭谛 菩提娑婆诃
般若波罗密多心经


愿以此功德，回响给你，希望你能早登极乐世界！阿弥陀佛！
舅公，一路走好，虽然只有短短几年重逢的时间，但是很高兴认识一个像笑佛，每天开怀大笑的你。 

Faith = 信

人总要信。 无论是信自己又或是信你心目中的神，宗教的神，耶稣，佛陀，上苍。能给你正面力量往前走的，在我心里面，我都觉得，他们是好的。人，每天都要面对他身边的大小事务，遇到挫折是，往往会对他的信念动摇，会去质疑他，最后，自己也乱了方寸。这是可悲的。这也真正发生在我身上。我遇到挫折，刚开始我还坚持着自己的信念，到我遇到更难的难题时，我开始质疑他， 质疑我的信念。自己乱得一团糟。

后来，我慢慢发觉到，很多人不改变他们的信念，无论发生什么大事，他们第一个想的竟然是他们的信念，他们依靠的东西。而我是同他们相反的，不到最后一刻，都不去找回我最初的信念。 如今，我信，我真的信，谢谢那本书，那本让我信的书，让我知道，无论如何，我都要信。

无论发生什么事，都不要放弃，不要放掉你信的东西，最后，你期待的事情，真的会发生的。

Faith: Complete trust or confidence in someone or something

父亲大人

爸爸，父亲节快乐！！

爸爸，原来你是如此细心的，哈哈，今天竟然无意给我发觉到，我想，我从来都没有去留意你的细微动作，很欣慰，今天给我看到了！！

爸爸，你没脾气，没意见，很多人觉得这样的男人很没情趣，但是我们就是喜欢你的傻里傻气，从来都不埋怨，有什么做什么，我想你应该是最懂得知足的人。你从来都不会打骂我们。我想，你最“威水”那一次，应该是20 年前，被阿妈叫你拿起藤条打ah girl 的那么一次。其余的时间，你都被我们“吃”住！真的不好意思。

爸爸，做了父女那么多年，都没有为你做过什么，如果可以的话，真希望，可以一家人去一次豪华旅行，让你知道为什么我们三姐妹穷到山穷水尽都要去玩！！ 哈哈

爸爸，我爱你！！

无奈

有些事情， 别人是帮不了的。其实要强逼自己去快乐，去高兴，真的很辛苦，内心不高兴，却硬要装高兴，就是不想给别人带来不高兴，究竟，这叫为人着想，又或是苦了自己。做人要对得起自己，但是又要顾及别人的感受，为了不带给别人麻烦，我是不是因该要离开呢？在这样的情况之下，我真的无能为力去保护自己，无能为力地将我的期望一个个放掉，无能为力得阻止不了眼泪的留下。

我真的很无奈！ 很无奈！我已找不到一个可以形容我内心的词句，无言以对。

无题

既然他不要我，那我也没有必要苦苦哀求地等下去。
我也不要他了。

无聊

我很无聊啊！！ 劲虚度光阴！！坐在电脑前，重复按refresh 键去看人家facebook最新的情况！！狂看电视剧！！头脑除了用来反映人体自然要上厕所，肚子饿，睡觉的动作，基本上，我的头脑是停顿的！！就算看书也泥补不到我的空虚感。 我极需要刺激，快感的事情来帮我恢复力量，我怕我连出街的冲动也没有了，人活到对生活完全没有期望时，就是最失败的时候。。。神啊，救救我吧！

你可以当我是浮夸，但是我等一份工作的机会真的等到花儿也谢了，我不难过， 只因我明白谁得到过愿放手，哪里有那么多的工作机会。。。人来人往，我仿佛似堆垃圾，但是，被世界遗弃不可怕，因为我有朋友一生一起走，我不会让生命倒带，最终，我必定会像大雄一样，征服世界，变成世界第一等，终身美丽！！ 

杏仁

今天看了蔡澜先生写关于台南的食游记，但是吃多于游。所有台南的美食都被他写的似非吃不可，人生里不试过必会后悔一辈子感觉。当我读到一遍关于台南体育街一间甜品店里所卖的杏仁豆腐冰，以及他所提及的一瓶瓶杏仁汁的时候，就让我想起我的一位朋友。他非常喜欢杏仁，可以说是着了迷般，视杏仁为他的生活伙伴。我这位朋友不但喜欢喝杏仁汁，茶，甜品，饼，所有有关杏仁的食物，他都很喜欢。我想如果有机会与他一起去台南，必定要带他去试试蔡澜所介绍的杏仁甜品！

他不但喜欢杏仁，他也很喜欢叫人喝杏仁茶。我有另一位朋友深受他的影响，明明不喜欢杏仁，但是嗅下，嗅下竟然嗅出感情来，前一阵子更是每晚一杯杏仁茶方能睡的着。 

而我，不知为什么，不受影响，看来，我还需多一点的时间去接受对我来说有蟑螂味道的杏仁。

p/s: 对不起所有的杏仁迷，我知道我还没达到品尝杏仁真正的境界所以才会讲出杏仁有蟑螂味的大笑话，请见谅。 

My time on the bus

Time that I have spent on the bus for these few weeks was really a big sum of number. Most of the time i have been traveling alone from a place to another.I don really have the chance to chat with people and I don really feel like chatting with the person that sit next to me as well. Most of the time, I will read while on my way to my destination and effectively, it helps me to fall asleep easily, it's like a way to cover back the time that i have not slept from the previous night..hahaha

There is a thing that amazed me a lot, most of my important decisions were made while i was traveling alone on the bus. I can have a very clear mindset about what I wanna do. It somehow is a good thing,right?

The more I travel alone, the more I am enjoying it. I don know if it's a good sign that I am independent enough or it's actually a sign that I'm a peculiar person that don really like to communicate with ppl and tend to live in my own world. That's definitely a no no thing to happen.

Besides, I am going to travel alone to Australia, i am looking forward to it, it's not because I can go to have fun, but I am actually looking forward for the alone taking flight experience, it excites me. And I can assume myself of not talking for 8 hours..hahaha..but what if there is a handsome guy that sits next to me? What will I do then? It leaves me a space to imagine...

清楚下一步

可以清楚知道自己下一步要做什么是一件很了不起的事情。我很想清楚知道自己做着什么，下一步又要做什么。

viva la gloria

long live the glory

i have a dream

i made the call today. my heart beats so fast. i feel nervous. i know i care about that if not i won't be that nervous. i wish my calling will be heard. i wish i can get it.

I have a dream, a song to sing, to help me cope with anything
If you see the wonder of the fairy tale
You can take the future even if you fail
I believe in angels, something good in everything I see
I believe in angels, when I know the time is right for me
I'll cross the stream, I have a dream

对不起

时间一天天的过去， 而我也是一天天的活着。我发觉，我的无聊日子过的太多，我这个人真的变得无聊起来。做人也变得无精打采，日子得过且过，真的悠闲到我怕的地步。

前天，我不经大脑的答应了一个朋友的要求，从来都没有想到我的夸口讲出的话会带来这么大的回响，我的不经意竟然会带来这么大的麻烦，我曾经说过，我不能拒绝朋友的要求，朋友开口要帮忙的，必是他也不能完成，或他真的很想有朋友的支持时候。 我，竟然自打嘴巴，答应了朋友会去陪他，而我竟然没做到，而且还伤害了朋友让他孤独一个人，我还不懂当中他遇到的寂寞，痛苦。我身为人家的朋友，我真的不该。在此，我必须要好好向他道个歉。

其实，在这件事上，我更看清楚我自己是一个怎么样的人，我多次说了答应了朋友的要求，我都很难完成，究竟，是因为我知道一些朋友是可以原谅我的过错，又或者是我不想拒绝朋友而爽快答应，但最后无法完成反而更伤害朋友了？？ 但是，有一样事情是可以很肯定地说，如果我再这样，答应了最后又爽约的性格再继续下去，我100% 肯定，我最后会连一位朋友都没有，落的孤苦伶仃一个人。

我，看到了我这个丑陋的一面，我真的不喜欢。我不喜欢别人不守承诺，空口说白话，而我原来都没有做到遵守承诺的一点，难怪，别人也会说，要指责别人时，要先看清楚自己有没有犯着同样的错误。这次，我错了。

亡羊而补牢，未为晚也。我，必须要用这一次伤害朋友的不好经验来警惕自己，你不想别人伤害你，请我也不要去伤害别人。

人来人往

与我常在

14th day

I have finished the book- Factory Girls. It vividly describing the life of a migrant from the poorer site of China to Donguan or Guangzhou to work. Though our life in malaysia is much better than what i read from the book, it has a lot of similarities between china chinese and we, malaysian chinese. I think pretty much, we have been deeply influencing by our ancestors or the education way from them. The way we learn english and the way we think, it's easy to find the similarities in the book. Even now, the way we think is still so chinese, so based to our own culture and way of living. We have not been able to run out of our circle. We feel shy and we tend to keep quiet whenever we are not in our comfortable zone to talk. We tend to stick with our group and ignore the outside world. This is the type of chinese that i have seen and met and of course i am in this group too. Of course, there are much more un-chinese chinese out there that we should learn from so that we can be more generous, be more open-minded and be more sociable than you can ever imagine. 

and, I am now reading on another book called - I know why the caged bird sings. 

belated 9th day

Chapter 1

Ooo, today started off with totally bad mood. I was totally, utterly affected by the call last night until i couldn't sleep for the whole night. A sleepless night + bad mood! sucks and bull shit! yeap, it sounds a bit too 'argg' and too uneducated for me to say out bullshit here...but anyway, who cares, it's my blog and who cares to read it and comment on it, i am the one who own this and i can write whatever that i like. 

ok, though it was a bad day, i can do nothing to save it. But, i remind of a person's saying, do not show your black face to people though you are totally in a bad mood, smile and at least please don't ever influence the person that is with you. ok, today, i remember this and i use his quote to stay for the day,i smile instead. 

End

Chapter 2

Today, i went to KL with my grandpa since i promise will accompany him to meet the doctor in KL. I reached KL and meet with my cousins and uncle. Cool, still they look that adorable and warm to me. No strange feeling, like you meeting someone new. At night, as usual, my cousins show me his homework and ask me to teach him words that he doesn't know and to make sentences from a new vocabulary. Wow, this time, it was a challenging task, he told me that he needed to finish up 70 sentences in a night. To make sentences from 70 vocabulary? oh my goodness! how can a primary student be able to do that? Of course, since i was there, and he asked, and so and for sure i need to take up that responsibility to teach him and guide him through the 70 challenges! hahahaha...guess what, my little cute cousin managed to finish that within 2 hours!!

End

Chapter 3

By the time, i felt like taking my own sweet time to take a rest and to watch a movie, then suddenly, a soft voice, always that soft voice came from my cousin and said: "yee jie jie, can you do revision with me for my history subject, please??" 

" what? history?? ooo, my show time!! since history is one of my strongest subjects and i can tell you stories again!"

I peeped on my pretty cousin and i can see her face expression was like : oh no, story time! how i wish i can skip the time and just lay on my bed. 

There was 3 chapters, ooo, luckily only 3 chapters since it was quite late and i felt tired too but anyway, i should help of what i can help and teach of i can teach to them. I started my long winded but i presumed it to be funny and interesting way to remember our history to my cousin. Yea, luckily she didn't fall asleep and at least showed me that she was interested in it as well and i flip page by page until the last page where it stated page 70! wow, today, 70 is my number and i met 70 twice! hahahahahhaha...

I was happy. Yes, to manage to give out my knowledge or to help them in ways that i can afford make me happy. I was somehow enjoyed being a teacher for the day! if i were not an engineer, most probably, i will be a teacher!

End

第八天之等

无限期的等，真是苦涩

7th day

Sunday. I went to the crowdest place in Ipoh today. It was stadium indera putra where a PC fair was held in there. Crowded. Full of people. Everyone cramped in the hall, walked by touching shoulder to shoulder. Noise was everywhere and i cramped in the place to look for a laptop with a friend. Luckily we found it, we found the ideal laptop that he wanted to buy and of course i like his attitude that he straight away get that laptop without bargaining or questioning the sales person like normal people do. Basically, the laptop deal done within an hour. From looking, searching, withdrawing money till the process of paying. Cool. 

6th day

Wow, amazing is the only word that i could use to describe my day. I have not been that fully paying attention to my studies before. I studied for the whole day, from 10am till 9pm. I am good. I am doing revision. I am paying a great effort in this digital electronic chapter. To my amusement, i am actually picking up some left out knowledge or something that i have learnt but forgotten for long. I am enjoying in doing this revision, to understand what are all those components about. Of course, my day is not going to end like this. A movie, a book, a prayer is waiting me. Keep the days busy and of course to stay focus and POSITIVE! 

5th day之IRC

今天回去，但不知何时我才会再一次踏足于这个陪了我很久的地方，

我很喜欢很喜欢她，

我很喜欢很喜欢这一栋建筑物，

她的外貌真的把我深深吸引，她的内涵更不用说，卧虎藏龙

她是一个让我迷峦的地方

她是一个让我舍不得的地方

她是一个让我因为她而做出重要选择的地方

UTP的IRC

我要谢谢她带给我无限的空间, 无限的书中娱乐

她绝对的是UTP的灵魂人物

赞！

4th day

Today, i woke up early as i have planned to settle some documents in the government department. Since i have a lunch appointment with my supervisor and so, i planned to settle my documents in the morning. My mom felt surprise that i even woke up that early..hahahaha...ok, back to my main topic, I took my breakfast and made my time to go out. I planned to go to the police station to get the signature of the officer since it stated in my document that it needs to be certified by the government servant. Once i reached there at 10am, i walked gracefully into the police station and requested politely to one of the officers to ask him to certify all my documents. Wow, of course i was happy since all the procedures went on smoothly and by the time i felt happy that i can settle my things earlier, damn, here comes the problem,

the officer said :" where should i sign your document?" 

I said:" Sir, here it is."

" Erm, ok, since it mentioned that it needs the signature from different group of government servant and my grade is different of what you requested, i don't think i can help you to sign on it, you better look for someone else to sign it for you."

" Oh no no no, sir, it stated only this grade and above and i believe you grade is higher than what is requested, so it shouldn't be a problem for you to sign for me."

" Ok, i understand your situation but still for a secure site, you better take your documents and get the signature from someone else, erm, a principal is good to sign for you."

" Erm, ok, sir, in that case, i will turn to the principal then, thanks for your time."

" Ok, sure. remember to take back all your relevant documents."

" Ok, yes, sir and goodbye sir."

Oh, as what I have worried about, how can things move smoothly for me, sure there are somethings that stop me from finishing it. Ok, here it is. I can't get the signature easily and i need to find the principal of my old school to sign on it. Without any hesitation, i drove back to my old school and walked into the gate where i have not stepped in for a few years time. By that time i reached, it was the recess time and all the teachers and principal were having meeting, i waited in the office and remembered back all those good old school days. Wow, my school changed a lot, even the office has been renovated and fully air conditioned, last time, it was so hot and stuffy inside the office but now, things changed and improved a lot. I saw the teachers' name on the name board, half of it, i don't even know who is he or she. All are new names to me. 

While i was still soaking in my good old days memories, here came in an aunty, erm, i shall said, a new face. I thought she must be a new clerk or new teacher. Oh my, to my surprise, she walked straight into the principal room and sat down on the high back chair!! Oh no, only then i remembered my sister told me once that my last time principal has already retired!! 

I walked into her room, knocked on the door and said: "Good morning principal, i would like you to help me to sign on a document and to certify some documents as well. Can i come in by the way?"

" Oh, good morning, come on in. So, are you student of PGS?" 

" Yea, I was a student here and graduated in year 2004."

" Wow, have you came back to school before? why i have not seen you? students are normally like that, only come back to ask us to help her to sign on some documents but never really come back to school."

Oh damn, that's the main reason why i don't really want to go back to school at first and ask school teacher to sign for me!! They tend to tell me that i am like 无事不登三宝殿 and make me feel speechless..totally speechless at that moment....

Ok, fine. I know that the consequence of not keeping contact with your old school and you will get some response like that. However, school is still a school, it acts like a mother, no matter what you have done to her and still she will accept you as whom you are. The principal helped me to sign on my documents and told me some good words. Phew, that's it. done! I get the signature of my principal on my documents, I managed to certify all my documents and let's send it out! one thing is done! thank god. 

3rd day

Unpacking my cloths from my luggage is actually a big and challenging task. I didn't realize that i have not enough space to put in all my cloths into the drawers. Basically, my picky attitude has given me a chance to rearrange all my cloths according to colors, frequency of wearing it, occasion or formal wear and also some cloths that i-bought-but-never-wear categories. It took me nearly two hours to unpack and kept it into the drawer and of course categorized all my cloths according to my initial plan. Phew...while i was having my rest on the bed, "ting" suddenly, an idea crossed my mind where i felt like helping my sister to keep and arrange her drawer too!! wahahahahaha...since my sister is not around and for sure she wouldn't mind for having an "ah sei" to help her to clean and rearrange her cloths, then woo...here i am, i help her to fold her shirt, to categorize her shirt to different categories and of course to "steal" her shirt and let it be my shirt then!! hahahaha, thanks sis!! 

After working on this kind of folding and unfolding cloths task, i felt tired! but i don't want to leave the day like this, and i found myself a book, an unfinished book to read on and no matter where i stop reading that book, i can quickly attracted back into the storyline and catch back what i have left behind. yeah, can fill my days with this awesome book and understand part of the life in China through her. 

2nd day

It has been the second day for not being a student and what i have done for the day? ok, let me share it out here. Today, it is quite a fruitful day, at least, i kept my promise and i went to wesak celebration and chanting at my friend's place. A short ceremony has been conducted before the "shower buddha" ceremony started. Of course, i miss the chanting and the peace of chanting for long and at last, i managed to chant with a group of people and found back the moment of being a devoted buddhist. I have long forgotten about that feeling of chanting as i have always told myself, sarah, you have no time to chant, no time for all these, as long as god is in your heart, then you will be good. Basically, i am bluffing myself about it, everything, you need to work on it, to pay effort on it and to work on it. It is not about feeling, it's about my faith into it. I started not to believe in it and tend to focus on my own thoughts where I realized it is leading me to another way that i don't really appreciate it as well. 凡事都必需经营的, 无论是亲情，友情，爱情， 学业或事业，你不付出又如何懂的珍惜，又如何谈的上拥有呢?

After the wesak ceremony, i went for a movie with my friend. i have not stepped into a cinema for at least 3 months and today, i am lucky enough to watch a good and recommended movie in a cinema to let myself feel the fast and furious sensation movie!! haha, yup, that's right, i went to that fast and furious 5 movie, wow..their driving skill is unbeatable, amazing and stunned is the only word that i can describe for that movie!! it is a satisfaction for my eyes and ears. By listening to the engine sound and looking at the fast driving skill, it makes me feel like driving fast too!! hahahaha...(for those who know me, they will know about my "unbeatable" driving skill, hahahhahahaha). 

After the movie, of course, shopping is followed right behind, i found a very nice dress, creamy white color, with one kind of fabric that i like it so much, the length of the skirt is exactly before my knee, it makes me look slim and both of my legs look long enough with that elegant dress on. I wish to own it but wait, i don't have enough money to own that dress or at least at the moment, i can't support myself for that dress yet and that dress needs to queue up too until i finish buying my dream shopping list first:  

1. ipod shuffle

2. sun glasses

3. leather purse

4. nice watch (challenging task)

5. camera

6. a pair of nice sandals (a nice one!!)

7. “白饭鱼”

8. 三毛书

9. a new handphone 

10. creamy white dress ( maybe this no.10 item should be prioritized as it will be sold out and can't find it next time)

1st day

It has been the first day of not being a student and i have been somehow a jobless lady for the 1st day. I am an impatient person. I do not know on how long i can wait for the first call from the companies that i have applied. I have been waited for at least 3 months and still I am jobless. My plan is to get a job before I graduated but now, things changed and i need to fit myself into the situation whereby i cannot get a job easily. My friends told me that, sarah, wait patiently, good things will come to you one day and i do believe in them, good things may come to me one day :)  

People tend to tell me that i am a person that need to fill my time with a lot of stuffs and a lot of tasks. Yea, basically, i am this kind of person, because, without any jobs and tasks and assignments, my day, at least, my first day, i have already felt bored and aimless. I don't really know what to do to fill in my days, so i plan to make my following days with all these kind of activities:

1. Attend Wesak Day Celebration

2. Watch a movie

3. Unpack my luggage

4. Plan my Australia trip

5. Of course, keep on applying for jobs

6. Have lunch with supervisor

7. Complete my clearance form

8. Jogging 

9. Reading

10. Rearrange my documents in laptop, hardisk and pendrive

11. Settle Nottingham english requirement task

12. Settle scholarship problem

13. Rearrange my books

14. Cooking (of course, it's time to learn it, since I am free and no longer got the excuse to avoid of cooking, who knows i might find the satisfaction in cooking and enjoy it one day)

wow, ok, i am busy and i prefer to be like this busy ever. At least, i can fill my days with all these tasks and let me stay focus in my work and i need not have to keep on thinking about job findings and that someone far away. 

My performance

Today, nothing special had happened. Somehow, it's a special day for me as i feel impressed and amazed by my own performance today. Totally in peace and calm in accepting, observing and witnessing the truth and pain. No celebration, no praise as i cant predict what will it be on tomorrow. I am living my day second by second as i cant predict my mind on the even next second.. i just wish and hope the next second will be in peace too.

Over You

Now that it's all said and done, I can't believe you were the one!

To build me up and tear me down like an old abandoned house!

What you said when you left, just left me cold and out of breath

I felt if I was in way to deep, guess I let you get the best of me

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running

A long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you

You took a hammer to these walls, dragged the memories down the hall

Packed your bags and walked away, there was nothing I could say

And when you slammed the front door shut, a lot of others opened up

So did my eyes so I could see that you NEVER THE BEST for me

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running

A long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running

A long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

Well, I never saw it coming, I should have started running

A long, long time ago

And I never thought I'd doubt you, I'm better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over

I'm finally getting better

And now I'm picking up the pieces, spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

Well, I'm putting my heart back together

'Cause I got over you and I got over you

And I got over you

'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through

I got over you

( A very powerful song from Chris Daughtry)

需要人陪

打开窗户让孤单透气

这一间屋子 如此密闭

欢呼声仍飘在空气里 

像空无一人一样华丽

我 渐渐失去知觉

就当做是种自我逃避

你 飞到天的边缘

我也不猜落在何地 

一个我 需要梦想 需要方向 需要眼泪 

更需要 一个人来 点亮天的黑

我已经 无能为力 无法抗拒 无路可退

这无声的夜 现在的我 需要人陪