Disappointment

Again, it disappoints me. I thought i can have a good timetable so that and again, i can have more free time to myself. but somehow and somewhat, no matter how i try to arrange my timetable, i couldn't make a good arrangement. I have been somewhat accepted the truth that i have to study for an extra semester though i need not and should not. Fine, and now, what i hope for is only a good timetable, more free time...but the truth shows me my hope is all down. It SUCKS...stupid timetable. It hangs somewhere in the middle of the day, then 2 hours break and then class for an hour then again 2 hours break and another 1 hour class. Come on.

From the statement above, it proves me something and it is something that i can't deny. I dislike my school life and i dislike utp. I feel stucked!! It is like someone is using a rope and tied me up and i got no way to run away from it no matter how hard i try to loose it. I tried to accept the fact that accept the worst case and find peace in the darkness theory. it makes sense but somehow, i really need time to endure with the stupid fucking hanging time. Arggggh..i think i am pretty disappointed with the things that happen around me again and again!! NOT FAIR AT ALL!! It sucks...People always tell me about enjoy your school life while you can, you will feel regret once you are graduated and feel appreciate about your school life, come on!! don't tell me all these crapping stuffs, what i need the most is get out of here, get out of the school life, get out and leave me alone!! I have been in school for 6 years just for a stupid degree and i have no idea on what i can apply in my life, i am so empty in my mind, all those theories that i have learnt is like something unrelated to me, why on earth i need to study something that i don't know what to use for in life?? what?? power distribution?? power transmission?? it is all crap to me..but ironically, it keeps on pulling me back with different reasons and different situations that make me can't run away from it!! good!!

Take Care, My Dear Zest

Dear Zest,

       A sudden call from you and an unexpected outing with you and of course, the most unexpected news from you. I have no idea that you are going to leave Malaysia and heading to UK, we have been talking about it since last year and i thought you have cancelled or maybe postponed you decision. I have been wondering what makes you this busy lately until you have no time to meet me and now i know and understand that you have made up your mind and you are going to your dream place or maybe a step nearer to your dream. I am really happy for you...no matter how many obstacles that you have to face and yet, you make it. Zest, I feel really really proud of you. We have been talking about going outside to the world together, to study together, to have fun together and now, you please enjoy my part first and i will try my best to join you later so that we can continue our fun and our dream together. Wow, there are plenty of dreams waiting us to be fulfilled and we have to make it comes true one by one :)

        Remember, whenever you feel tired or you need a friend to talk with, there is always a friend waiting you here, there is always a shoulder free to lend it to you when you need it. I know and understand that you are tough and strong enough to face the unknown and uncertain path in front of you but you have to give yourselves some rest space. Don't over used your mind and energy on the things that you are doing. Keep things simple. Take care, my dear Zest.

Warmest Regards,

Sarah

新年快乐

今天心血来潮，写了一点与新年有关的字句，望每个人都能快乐，安康 :)

兔气扬眉新一年，
来了福报又来财，
福星拱照旺你家，
到了年尾笑哈哈，
庆团圆时倍感恩，
丰衣足食身体壮，
年年有余祝安康。

好像有点"leong"...hahaha..

The Way We Are

At last, I watched this movie that I have been longing for at least 1.5 years. Before that, I have no way to watch this movie as ipoh cinemas never showed it and it showed only in KL cinemas. I told my friends that i like to read book without any peak point, I like the plain and slowly tell us their life and their living kind of book and yea, this it is..it's exactly showing what i like the most... It is such a good movie. There is no story line, no peak, it just some ways slowly telling us the way of people living, their way of talking, their way of eating and even the way of them making fun of themselves. It's so simple and yet it leaves us space to think. Not much people can make such a theme of movie to this level of presenting, so it's pretty amazing..haha..a nice movie that i would like to share with you.

The meaning of LOVE

Love is beyond everything else - anxiety, desire, hope, resentment. 

Love is openhearted, demands nothing, and needs nothing

It is more likely to visit when our desires are quiet, when we don't need or want much, and when we accept that everything we love is not permanent but is with us at this very moment! 

From the book of Daniel Gottlieb - Learning from the Heart

This is what love means for and this is the kind of love that i am looking forward. A love that never ask for returns and a love that never counted by how much or how deep it is. 

secret rainbow

i feel calm when i listen to this song...

so, i would like to share this with you...

i wish you happy always

~ The End of 2010 ~

Dear you,

Things happened in 2010

Janunary

Jan 12 - Car got stolen. Heart broken on the first time. The incident happened is mainly due to my fault. Due to my cowardness, i didn't get the car back from him. I dare not to say it out. I should learnt my lesson at the first point.

February

Busy with insurance settlement. Plenty of calls made. It made me feel tired and lossing myself in doing all these stuffs.

March

It was during internship and it was the peak of it. Worked until almost 1am everyday. The whole body and mind were almost worn out but still i managed to come over it by kept on complaining and struggling. ( what a bad way to deal with problem, people, you should not complain about the things that you have to do, now, i learnt my lesson, never complain, because you chose it at the first place)

Planning of trip with friends to Hong Kong. Have been searching of hotels, transportation, discussion was all over through mail. It was my so called "mental" meal daily to receive mail from these two friends to let me started my days with their funny messages.

April

It was the birth month of my little cute sister. I wished to send her something cute but i have not enough money to do so since posting to overseas will cost half of my pay. Then, i sent her a card, an e-card where i have searched through for days..I realized, the process of buying or choosing a present for your loved one, basically, you are the one who get the most of the happiness. The feeling of doing so is simply too good :)

May

There were another two months to go before i ended my internship in accenture and of course, i am waiting for that because i really felt so tired, physically and mentally.

Friends gathering in KL. We have lots of fun together and i got my birthday present from my friends. Five months delayed but still, it's warm :)

June

Counting down as the days to stay in KL is getting shorter and shorter. Basically, all those trip stuffs were settled, hotel is booked, transportation was confirmed, planning visiting places were chosen. What three of us were looking forward was the trip.

Ok, here comes the sad news, a call from insurance - yea, they approved for the car settlement but somehow the price that they pay was merely cover the car loan from bank and I feel cheated by the insurance because the price is different on what they told me at the first time. The difference is RM3000. Though it's not a big amount, i feel totally cheated. A call from the supervisor and told me that they are willing to pay me RM xxx but after a day, a manager called and told me another price which was less RM 3000 from the first call i received! what a joke! i was totally freak out by it! fine, this time, i am not going to bear with my politeness, i called back and have a fight with the manager. I couldn't bear my anger and totally shout at the manger. Being cheated for the first time would be ok but now, i have learnt my lesson enough and i have to speak it out. However, i can only speak out my complaints to the company but and of course, i couldn't claim back the RM3000. i have done my part.

July

It was the last month of my internship. I was busy to prepare the final internship project, presentation..lots of things to finish up before i went back to my home. There were lots of farewells, having nice food with colleagues. These were all those mesmorizing memories that couldn't be erased off.

Hong Kong and Macau trip: yea, here it goes...friends, we did have lots of fun...disneyland?? lan kwai fong?? or taking photos..haha..lots of good food...wantan mee? egg tart? things only you two will know..

School reopen, and new semester started :)

August

Sister came back from Hong Kong. Things should go smoothly.

I lived on my days like usual, chose my final year project topic. Having fun and chats with my friends. Be a student again which i have hoped for a long time since March.

September

Here comes the peak, again, while i have just came back and recovered from the sadness of lossing a car, and now, i had my first car accident. phew..what a mess i have done to all these and again, i should take up full responsibility as i am not only wrecking my dad's car but also the car of another driver. He was in need of his car but somehow, it was totatlly ruined by this careless and an empty-minded me.sorry. and of course, i have to deal with insurance again. all those insurance procedures but thanks to my family, they truly show me fully support at the moment though i brought a big mess for them. thanks and sorry for all these.

October

Yea, i thought things were back to the track again, like usual but whenever you hope for peacefulness, peacefulness will run away from you. One day, while i was on a project tour to KL, i received a call from my sister in the early mornig. Yea...as bad as you can think of, a theft came in and stole all the valueble things in my house. yea...this it is! i was totally stunned! really stunned because i was wondering what had happened to me and my family, are we doing something bad until we get this bad luck? i don't know and i was totally speechless and clueless.

People will get stronger when they met with difficulties, i believe in a saying, there are only two roads to choose when you face with difficulties, either you die or you will get succeed from it. I am not saying the real die die, and am not saying the real success success. It means when you survive from the difficulties, you will become stronger or else you can never get survive from it, you will only drawn in it.

I pretty much think that i have walked through it. Walked through this kind of dark moment. Yea, by having the faith in god and positiveness, i believe we can do that and make a better day. (kinda like a word consoling myself, haha)

November

Wow, exam period, final presentation period. Back to normal student life again. Did all those things that a student will do.

December

Phew, what a long journey to come up till December. Many things happened in this month.

Firstly, my cute little sister came back from aus. We have fun together. Secondly, my elder sister made a decision to go away from her hometown and went to myanmar. Though, i feel sad upon her leaving but what else i can do is to fully support her since she doesn't like it here so much and honest speaking, i don't like it here as well. No feeling and no place that i feel like going besides of my cozy home. But this is where i grown up, i might as well appreciate it.

Basically, what i have gained so much in this year is independence. Independence in mind. Independence in action. Yet i am still that coward and stubborn upon my response to something. These, i believe, it takes time and experience to change it.

I wish everyone a good ahead.  A better year, a peaceful year.