Thursday, March 31, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
快乐不快乐
一年365天，究竟有多少天我是真的快乐的呢？唉声叹气的日子何时才能离开我？我已不能自救，终日闷闷不乐也不是办法。。。看来， 我需要一点精神寄托，我需要做d让我兴奋及眼前一亮，想到都会偷笑的事情。。。究竟那会是什么东西呢？ 朋友我已没有几多个，真正想同他分享的更少之又少，再一次唉声叹气！！
做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人。最终，我都是选了做好人因为做坏人要机关算尽，我的头脑还没达到那么高的境界！！都不知道这是褒还是贬，可笑也！！
人定胜天亦或是听天由命呢？我真的想不到，请问有没有人可以回答我这条问题呢？
做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人，做坏人，做好人。最终，我都是选了做好人因为做坏人要机关算尽，我的头脑还没达到那么高的境界！！都不知道这是褒还是贬，可笑也！！
人定胜天亦或是听天由命呢？我真的想不到，请问有没有人可以回答我这条问题呢？
Monday, March 14, 2011
给ah girl 的一封信
Dear girl,
对， 我在看。。而每一次看了你所写的事与物， 我都哭了。我真的控制不了我的泪。。字行间，我都能深深体会到你的那一分悲凉。。其实，我们都懂你的苦， 你的孤单， 你的一个人。我们懂你哭， 我们懂你在那边一个人生活，孤单的感觉。
我在两个月前， 写下了一些字给你，本来想把它delete掉，但是我看了你近来的东西，阿姐向我们说的事，我觉得我想让它给你看看。。
写于1月27日：
爱一个人是要爱他的全部全部，所有的缺点与优点。。而你已经尽了你最最最大的努力去爱他，你对得起天地良心有余。。因此你也不必太过伤心。。爱一个人真的不会要求任何回抱， 就好想你爱boling gam, 虽然它只是一只猫/老虎。。但你以然爱了它将近18年（虽然它永远都是介于两岁半至三岁半之间），你重头到尾都没有要求什么, 对吗？？要记得，只要觉的自己做到最好，对的起自己的底线， 那就好了。。
至于哭的部分， 你真的真的可以大大声地哭出来。。不必得到任何人的允许。。想哭就哭啦。。觉得丢脸吗？？ 你看阿姐，差不多每晚都哭着睡觉。。我最最好的妹妹啊， 不用忍着你的情绪，做一个真正的你， 做一个跟着你心里想什么就做什么的你， 不用介意别人眼光，别人想法，做一个快乐，真正的ah girl..（the little sis that we have, a little bit stubborn, sometimes will show black face, dare to express her feelings, dare to say it out her opinions, sometimes will disobey her sister, her parents that ah girl, that really true ah girl, it is already the perfect you, you don't have to change to fit with others' requirement, this is YOU! what we love is this YOU, so just totally be yourselves。 One day, sure you will find that you glow and shine of being such a nice girl) 无论你现在想做什么， 我保证我都会给于你我最大的支持。。（只要你是快乐的，高兴的），我真的希望，祝福你和阿姐能生活地高兴，快乐。
你知道吗， 你真的是我遇到的所有人当中，你是最好的一个！！ 真的！！你漂亮吗？？真的很漂亮！！五官分明，落落大方！！连我的朋友都对你赞不绝口。 你性格，品行好吗？？对长辈超孝顺，对小孩超有爱心，我对小孩敬而远之，而你却可以同他们玩得嘻哈大笑。。你逆来顺受，从来都不会抱怨，默默忍受， 默默做。。你真的是发自内心的善良。。你聪明吗？？很聪明，无可否认的事实！！我们常说你的坏点就是你太stubborn,但是就是这个stubborn让你成了个完美的人。the imperfect is the perfect, you get me?? 阿姐和我都觉得你真的是个完美的人，你真的是最好的！！
girl, 你觉得害怕， 怕你在人的后头， 别人看不见你，其实你已经在别人的前方很久，不是你被忽略而是你的前方根本没人，你懂吗？？还有，这里有好几个很宽， 很厚肉的肩膀让你来依来，爸爸的虽瘦但够高， 很好靠。 妈妈的更加不用说，多肉，靠起来很舒服。阿姐的肩膀，同妈妈的差不多，够多肉（虽然阿姐一直坚持否忍这个事实，哈哈），我的肩膀更加不用说，厚度适中，高度是适中。。你要那一款的肩膀都有！！谁不给你靠？？ 就怕你不靠！
我读过一篇文章，我觉得很有意思，同你分享。里头说，“ 我，你” 两个字间，只要你放入不一样的字，那“我＋你”就可以产生很微妙的句子。
因为我了解你，
所以我爱你；
正当我爱你，
所以我祝福你。
girl, 我祝福你。I bless you。
希望你可以开开心心地生活。
With great love,
sis
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
L.I.S.T.E.N
Dear you,
I have been putting on this title as i am so lack of this recently. I need someone to listen to me and yet, there is no one out there that i can even talk to or willing to listen to me. So, you are the only one that i can turn to and talk nonstoply.
I have been in a bad and sad mood lately. Sadness around me and my positive energy is getting drawn by my sadness. I am trying so hard to pull myself up and keep on struggling to fight with my pessimistic thinking, no matter how hard i try, it beats me up and i loss to this so called negative thoughts. I tried with several ways, i tried to read books, to watch movies in order to cheer myself up and i tried to find my closest friends to talk and yet there is no one out there that is really willing to spend their precious time and listen to me.
I am so lonely, really feel like empty inside my mind and heart, the lonely feeling creeps me always...loneliness, at first, i thought i m cool with it since i m with my family, i m with my friends, but, there is always a but, no one can see and feel that i m lonely..the loneliness and insecurity feeling make me cry for several nights, if there were tears, yea, it should be better, but there isn't any tears, cry with no tears..that feeling sucks..i really wanted to share it out with ppl around me but whenever i find a chance to talk about it, i can see that they are busy with their works and tasks...how do i talk then?? force them to listen to my problems??
People tend to think me as being emo, throwing tantrum but somehow i know, there is a reason why i am not happy with things around me, whenever i wanted to talk about it, i miss the chance to do or it's not the right time to talk things. But things repeat, it comes back eventually and my reaction is the same as always until it leaves an image to people that my mood isn;t good always or i am an unpredictable person. I want to explain and yet i have lost all my energy to do so. People tend to move on, and since it's not their problem, they will not care about it and so when it repeats, the harmfulness will go back to only myself instead to others. It does ring a bell to me but not to others. I understand that after a few days, things will go back on track and be like normal again, but i know this is really the time, things should be settled because i don want to see the same me, the same situation happens again and again. No one teach and tell me that and i got to learn it and get awake all by myself. This is something that i cant seek help with, and since no one can fully understand me, then i might shut the "seeking help" door and find my own way to live on.
Maybe i tend to take myself very seriously. Buddha is recorded as having said, "if you could summarize all my teachings into just one, it would be this - to disavow everything beginning with I, me or mine". I am not good at this and that's why, i have been suffering that much to get rid the "my" problem and feel like others should listen to "my" problem. What i need is just an ear, lend it to me for maybe an hour, let me talk and talk until all my problems, all my thoughts are being thrown out of my mind, and yet, there is no room for this.
Whatever it would be, thanks to you, at least, you give me your patience and let me write it out. I should get out of the "I" and focus more on the "you". Actually, i have been doing this since long ago, am i going into wrong way or "you" don't see me getting rid of my "I" part?
I have been putting on this title as i am so lack of this recently. I need someone to listen to me and yet, there is no one out there that i can even talk to or willing to listen to me. So, you are the only one that i can turn to and talk nonstoply.
I have been in a bad and sad mood lately. Sadness around me and my positive energy is getting drawn by my sadness. I am trying so hard to pull myself up and keep on struggling to fight with my pessimistic thinking, no matter how hard i try, it beats me up and i loss to this so called negative thoughts. I tried with several ways, i tried to read books, to watch movies in order to cheer myself up and i tried to find my closest friends to talk and yet there is no one out there that is really willing to spend their precious time and listen to me.
I am so lonely, really feel like empty inside my mind and heart, the lonely feeling creeps me always...loneliness, at first, i thought i m cool with it since i m with my family, i m with my friends, but, there is always a but, no one can see and feel that i m lonely..the loneliness and insecurity feeling make me cry for several nights, if there were tears, yea, it should be better, but there isn't any tears, cry with no tears..that feeling sucks..i really wanted to share it out with ppl around me but whenever i find a chance to talk about it, i can see that they are busy with their works and tasks...how do i talk then?? force them to listen to my problems??
People tend to think me as being emo, throwing tantrum but somehow i know, there is a reason why i am not happy with things around me, whenever i wanted to talk about it, i miss the chance to do or it's not the right time to talk things. But things repeat, it comes back eventually and my reaction is the same as always until it leaves an image to people that my mood isn;t good always or i am an unpredictable person. I want to explain and yet i have lost all my energy to do so. People tend to move on, and since it's not their problem, they will not care about it and so when it repeats, the harmfulness will go back to only myself instead to others. It does ring a bell to me but not to others. I understand that after a few days, things will go back on track and be like normal again, but i know this is really the time, things should be settled because i don want to see the same me, the same situation happens again and again. No one teach and tell me that and i got to learn it and get awake all by myself. This is something that i cant seek help with, and since no one can fully understand me, then i might shut the "seeking help" door and find my own way to live on.
Maybe i tend to take myself very seriously. Buddha is recorded as having said, "if you could summarize all my teachings into just one, it would be this - to disavow everything beginning with I, me or mine". I am not good at this and that's why, i have been suffering that much to get rid the "my" problem and feel like others should listen to "my" problem. What i need is just an ear, lend it to me for maybe an hour, let me talk and talk until all my problems, all my thoughts are being thrown out of my mind, and yet, there is no room for this.
Whatever it would be, thanks to you, at least, you give me your patience and let me write it out. I should get out of the "I" and focus more on the "you". Actually, i have been doing this since long ago, am i going into wrong way or "you" don't see me getting rid of my "I" part?